Bad Days

We all have one of those days that it seems nothing we do turns out right. Even when we try it’s like the universe is screwing with us.

That particular day when you’re hungry and you decided to cook, only for you to get distracted for a bit and end up burning the food. You try cooking again but discovered you are out of groceries and cash. So you decided to go to the nearest ATM but so it happened that everyone chose that day to withdraw, as you meet a long queue and have no option but to wait in line on an empty stomach.

That day when you walk to class and something happens to make your dress to get torn in not the most convenient of places, only for the lecturer not to show up at the end.

Or the day you decide to wear a white dress out but got stained because your period decided to visit early.

Then you feel really down and it likes it can’t get better and nothing can cheer you up. Well here are some tips that could really help lift your spirits on those days…

1. Read a Book: Some of you are probably thinking “That would be the last thing on my mind”. I still stand on my point. Books have a way of pulling you into elsewhere but on a bad day, I’ll say opt for a light read or a comedy or your favorite book. Personally I can’t read anything with a serious theme on those kind of days, so I go with something light, mostly a Sophie Kinsella book. It helps cheer me up.

2. Watch a Movie: Watching a movie is a really good distraction from the stress of a bad day.

3. Talk to Someone: No matter what you the do, nothing seem to work out right today . Sometimes talking to a friend about how shitty your day has been is one remedy to help lifts your spirit up. There’s nothing like letting all the stress out.

4. It’s okay to cry: Sometimes when my day just keep stressing me out and I really don’t know what to do. I just go to a corner and cry. Now now, you might think that’s insane. But it’s okay to breakdown, you can’t always be on top of the situation on all times. As long as you know that when you do stand up, you are 100% on your feet.

5. Give yourself a treat: You’ve been having a horrning,  give yourself a treat – you deserve. It probably wasn’t on your budget. Have fun. Make yourself feel better.

6. Turn on your playlist: If you’ve done your research, you would know music is like a balm to the soul, it soothens the mind and an amazing form of therapy. Okay a lot of us know this. So what the heck. What better way to lift your spirit on one of those days, than playing your favorite songs. 

7. Pray: This is the last on my list but by no means the least. A friend of mine one told me that when she’s having a bad day, she prays. She talks to God in prayers and asks Him to have mercy on her if there’s anyway she had sinned that is making her day not go right and that He should take control. Her statement really got to me. The thing is, as human beings, we feel so busy that we leave God out in the lurch of things. When we sleep we have no idea what happens to us. We are clueless like unconscious. There are perfectly healthy persons who had passed away in their sleeps. But God in His mercy woke us up this morning, and we bother to utter one word of gratitude but think it’s perfect to blame Him when things start going wrong. It’s not good enough.

Do you find any of this tips helpful to you? Any you want to add? I love to know what you think about everything and anything.

Bad Days shouldn’t stay bad.

If you are new to this blog and like what, stay up to date. Don’t forget to follow and share.

Nessa. 

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life suddenly feels lighter.

” I firmly believe in small gestures: pay for their coffee, hold the door for strangers, over tip, smile or try to be kind even when you don’t feel like it, pay compliments, chase the kid runway ball down the sidewalk and throw it back to him, try to be larger than you are – particularly when it’s difficult. People do notice, people appreciate. I appreciate it when it’s done to (for) me. Small gestures can be an effort, or actually go against our grain (I’m not a big one for paying compliments…), but the irony is that almost every time you make them, you feel better about yourself. For a moment life suddenly feels lighter. “

Jonathan Carroll.

We Must Do Better

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“We spend too much time teaching girls to worry about what boys think of them. But the reverse is not the case. We don’t teach boys to care about being likeable. We spend too much time telling girls that they cannot be angry or aggressive or tough, which is bad enough, but then we  turn around and either praise or excuse men for the same reasons. All over the world, there are so many magazine articles and books telling women what to do, how to be and not to be, in order to attract or please men. There are far fewer guides for men about pleasing women.

Gender matters everywhere in the world. And I would like today to ask that we should begin to dream about and plan for a different world. A fairer world. A world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves. And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently.

We do a great disservice to boys in how we raise them. We stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way. Masculinity is a hard, small cage, and we put boys inside this cage.

   We teach boys to be afraid of fear, of weakness, of  vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves, because they have to be, in Nigerianspeak, a hard man.

   In secondary school, a boy and a girl go out, both of them teenagers with meagre pocket money. Yet the boy is expected to pay the bills, always, to prove his masculinity. (And we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.)

   What if both boys and girls were raised not to link masculinity and money? What if their attitude was not ‘the boy has to pay’, but rather, ‘whoever  has more should pay’? Of course, because of their historical advantage, it is mostly men who will have more today. But if we start raising children differently, then in fifty years, in a hundred years, boys will no longer have the pressure of proving their masculinity by material means.

   But by far the worst thing we do to males – by making them feel they have to be hard – is that we leave them with very fragile egos. The harder a man feels compelled to be, the weaker his ego is.

   And then we do a much greater disservice to girls, because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of males.

   We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller.

   We say to girls, ‘You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man. If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, pretend that you are not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him.’

   But what if we question the premise itself? Why should a woman’s success be a threat to a man? What if we decide to simply dispose of that word – and I don’t know if there is an English word I dislike more than this – emasculation.

Because I am female, I’m expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Marriage can be a good thing, a source of joy, love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage, yet we don’t teach boys to do the same?

   It is easy to say, ‘But women can just say no to all this.’ But the reality is more difficult, more complex. We are all social beings. We internalize ideas from our socialization.Our society teaches a woman at a certain age who is unmarried to see it as a deep personal failure. While a man at a certain age who is unmarried has not quite come around to making his pick.
  
We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what a woman is more likely to do.We police girls. We praise girls for virginity but we don’t praise boys for virginity (and it makes me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out, since the loss of virginity is a process that usually involves two people of opposite genders).

The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations.

   All of us, women and men, must do better.”


– Chiamanda Ngozi Adichie

We Should All Be Feminist

It takes courage…

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Life isn’t easy. It isn’t chocolate and candies, it isn’t spice and sparkles. Thing dont always work out the way we plan. We make plans but sometimes they fall apart. The average person work all day trying to make earns meets. Trying to provide for his family. Trying to meet up to expectations. Some of us glam up our lives on social media but in reality we work very hard to get by.

Its hard to follow your dreams in a country with a bad economic situation. That suck out the life of the citizens and give little back. It’s really hard to follow dream when it all seems like the odds are against us.

It takes a lot of courage for us to rise up to be something different. It takes a lot of courage to still pursue our dreams and ambitions no matter the stones life throws out us. It takes a lot courage to pursue who we want to be. It takes lot of courage to try to be more than ordinary. It takes a lot of courage not to give up. It takes courage to trust in God’s purpose for us even if we are not entirely sure what it is.

Hope is something you give yourself, when you are in despair.
That’s the meaning of inner strength “

I hope we find this courage.

What Defines You?

” All of us have our little problems and insecurities. I’m no different. Back in high school when I used to feel insecure about something, I would console myself with two thoughts: I’m pretty, and my parents love me. Between those two, I could survive anything.
   Since then I’ve come to understand how little the former matters, and how bitterly the latter can be tested. What’s left then? Nothing about our appearance or who loves or hates us. Nothing about our brainpower—which, like beauty, is an unearned gift of
genetics—nor even anything about what we say.
   It’s our actions that define us. What we choose. What we resist. What we’re willing to die for.”

Karen Marie Morning

Bloodfever


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I apologise if you think the post too short, I am really busy with work so my mind is kind of a blank space. But you know what they say ‘its not all about the length but the content.’

Love (not) at first sight?

Love at first sight is a common theme in many bestsellers – movies, books, music. Where two characters meet for the first time and then there’s that earth-shattering attraction when both of their eyes meet, they hold hands and soon enough they start declaring eternal and undying love for each other.

That is just unreal.
If love was that easy, then our society wouldn’t have been filled with broken hearts and messed up marriages.

Love grows, it’s seeing your partners flaws and accepting their imperfections, so how is it possible to fall in love when you know little or nothing about the person.

You know what I think happens?

At first sight, you might be attracted to the person physical looks, but later on you might get revolted by his/her character.
Or you might share a connection with the person most times because you both share the same interest.
And sometimes there are people you meet for the first time and you just like them, probably because of their charisma.

How many people around us have mistaken lust for love at first sight?
A lot of people try creating their day dreams but mess it up into a nightmare.

Am not an expert in relationships or anything but I see people searching for comparability, companionship, understanding… and then fall in love.

So maybe something happens at first sight but is it love?